Dear Alex--

Happy 13th Birthday, my sweet boy!  How big you must have grown, by now.

It's been a really long time since I've written.  Please don't think that means you haven't been on my mind.  You are, every single day.  Every day, I wonder how you are, how much you've grown, what you're doing, what you look like, who your friends are.  I wonder if you're happy or sad, whether life with your dad is painful or enjoyable...  I hope he's not too hard on you.  If he is, please try to be strong.  Find that quiet spot inside of you that protects you from his anger.  Draw around you that bubble I taught you about long ago and surround yourself with peace and love.

As I wonder how your life is, my life continues as it has been.  I'm still living with Grandma and Grandpa.  They miss you very much, by the way.  Jeanine is living in California.  I'm still in school to become a nurse.  I have one year left.  I had to take some time off because school and life became very difficult for me and I needed some time off.  I just started again, last week, and already it's hard.  A lot of reading, a lot of memorizing, a lot of understanding and putting what you learn into practice.  Tomorrow, I will be at the hospital for clinical.  "Clinical" is a fancy word for going to the hospital and practicing what you learn in the classroom.  Preparing for clinical and doing clinical homework takes a lot of time and late nights.  It's hard to do clinical homework and study for class and exams at the same time.  Sometimes I have a hard time remembering why I'm doing this.  I have to remind myself that there are only four more classes to go, that being a nurse isn't nearly as difficult as it is learning to become one.

I don't have any boyfriends, right now.  But there is one man I'm deeply in love with, and I patiently wait to see what happens with him.

Do you have a girlfriend, yet?  So many things about you I wonder about!  It hurts me a lot that I can't watch you grow up, that I can't be your mother and teach you about life.  Unfortunately, your father robbed that of me.  He took you away, told you horrible things, and has hidden you from me.  He still doesn't answer my phone calls, and I don't know where you live.  I look for you online, searching for clues.  Maybe one day I'll finally find you on Facebook.  I leave my profile open for all to see, so you can find me.  I've tried to make myself easy to find on the Internet, and hopefully, between your memory and your diligence, you'll find me here and send me an email, or message me on Facebook.

Someday, my sweet.  Someday one of us will find the other.  Someday.  It's one of my few, enduring hopes.

Happy Birthday, my lovely boy.

I love you forever,
I like you for always.
As long as I'm living,
My baby you'll be.

xoxox

Hello, my sweet little boy--

I've tried calling you, sweetheart, but no one answers your dad's phone. I just want you to know that I still think of you every day and wonder what you look like, now. What do you sound like? How tall are you? Would I recognize you if you appeared before me, like magic?

I hope you're well, and I wonder how you're doing in school. I hope your dad is treating you well and isn't too hard on you. He might say bad things about me to you, but I hope you remember how much I love you. I hope someday you'll understand what has happened, and that your grandparents and I hope you are happy, but that you'll someday try to find us. We don't know where you are, and your father doesn't answer the phone when we call. We are are still where you left us, in Elburn. And you can always find me on Facebook. https://www.facebook.com/crissy.vandyck I am always here for you, my love. Always.

It's the 4th of July, today. Grandma and Grandpa are up at the cabin and I'm at the house in Elburn. It's been almost a year since Skylar died, and Grandma got a new dog a few weeks ago. His name is Dexter. He's a Maltepoo, part Maltese (like Skylar) and part miniature poodle. He's much nicer than Skylar and doesn't bite. You'd love him.

I think that's all I have to say for now. I love you, my sweet. You'll always be the best boy, ever.

Love you forever,
Mommy
xoxoxox

Dexter, the day Grandma brought him home.
June 2012

Dexter and Crissy
June 19, 2012

Grandma, Grandpa and Dexter having a nap.
June 17, 2012

Dear Alex--


I know, it's been a long time since I've written.  I've been very busy with school and other things.  I think about you every day, though.  Every single day.  I wonder what you look like, now, and how big you've grown.  I'm certain you must be taller than my 156 cm, now.


I am now half-way through the nursing program at school.  In one year, if all goes well, I'll be a nurse.  School is difficult and very time-consuming, but I'm making it through.  Right now we have Spring Break, so no classes.  But next week we start a new class, which will be the hardest one so far.  I think the classes will only get harder until the end.  


I wonder how you're doing, and what school is like for you.  Do you have a girlfriend?  Are you getting along with your dad?  I wonder where you are, all the time.  Grandma, Grandpa and I have all tried calling you, but your dad doesn't answer the phone.  We've tried sending you gifts, but they get returned to us with "address unknown" stamped on the front.  We've saved most of the things we've gotten for you.  I've got a box of stuff for you, but if we ever meet again, you'll be too old to enjoy them.


You're my sweetness.  Don't ever doubt it.  I love you more than anything.  You are always in my thoughts and in my heart.


xoxox
Mommy

Shark Week

Dearest Alex,

I'm at work tonight, and I've got a little bit of down time, where I don't have much to do at the moment.

We have a TV here for the patients to watch, and it's Shark Week on Discovery Channel. Remembering how much you liked to watch those shows while you were here, I turned on that station, thinking of you. Do you remember reading in that National Geographic magazine for kids that a shark can swim up to 60 km pro stunde, and we drove that fast to the Kindergarten in Zuffenhausen? That's pretty fast!

I have to work until 23:30 tonight, and then again tomorrow night, too. Unfortunately, i have a tummy ache today, so it's a little uncomfortable for me to be here when I'd rather just lie down and sleep.

Nursing classes start again in a couple of weeks, so things will get pretty busy for me again very soon. I've had a relaxing summer break from school since May. I have two more years to go before I'm a nurse. For now, I'm still a tech at the hospital I work at.

I think you're finally on summer holiday, now, too, aren't you? I hope you're having fun and relaxing, playing fussball with your friends and doing all the fun things you like to do.

I have to get back to work, sweetheart. I'll write again when I can.

I love you, my sweetest boy...

XOXOXOX,
Mommy

Published with Blogger-droid v1.7.0

Crazy Frog

To My Wonderful Boy, Alex--

I've decided to start this blog for you, hoping that someday you'll run across it.  It's taken me a little while to set things up, and I was impatient to get something journalled right away, but unfortunately I'm unable to write very much just now.  So, I decided to upload this video for you.  I'm sure you remember it and how much we laughed and danced to it, especially late on tortellini night.  I have a few others to share with you over time, but I thought you might like this best, to begin with.

I hope you're well, my sweetness and light.  I think of you every day, and I wish I could see you, speak with you, hug you, watch you grow.  I love you, honey.  You're my sweet boy, forever.

Love you always,

Mommy

xxxxx

ooooo